Ok, so as we dive deeper, we're finding more and more issues.
We found that the battery was dead. He has since bought a new battery. We also cleaned up all the connections and grounds we could find.
The bike now turns over healthily as it should - however, still does not fire up.
We have replaced the plugs and have taken each out and verified that spark IS getting to the plugs.
The engine is turning and the spark is firing... so must be fuel I assumed. We tried starting it while blasting carb cleaner into the air box, and not one blip.
We removed the carb bowls to find this:

Rusty latte mixture. We also looked in the tank and found what appeared to be tomato bisque, but I'm assuming didn't taste as delicious.
Since that discovery, we cleaned and rebuilt the carbs:
We dissembled everything, and soaked the bodies in carb cleaner for about 2 hours.

The brass bits went in CLR

The bodies and non brass bits went into the ultrasonic cleaner, using Simple Green Pro HD, for about 30min


With everything all cleaned up, we rebuilt the carbs. All gaskets and o-rings were replaced, new float needles, diaphragms, etc.


We put the carbs back on the bike. Replaced the fuel lines, and fuel filter, and used a tank off a different bike as a fuel basin, since the BMW tank hasn't been cleaned out yet.
The bike still will not start... Again it turns over in a healthy manner, and spark is getting to the plugs, but not a blip of hope from the exhausts.
At that point it had already been a 10hr day so we left it. Any ideas on where to go from here? Could that rusty mixture having got into the cylinders built up an internal issue preventing combustion? I'm out of ideas for now.