Way, way, WAY off topic question

[marcmax]

I have been single again for about 6 years and have had a fairly active social life but wanted to wait until my children were older and on their own before trying to find a life partner. Recently I have been dating a woman I enjoy being with, have a lot in common with and she even rides (a metric cruiser). She has one flaw related to riding that drives me crazy, she refuses to wear any safety gear. No boots, gloves or jacket and worst of all refuses to wear a helmet ( it isn't required in FL). Worst thing of all is that she is an ER nurse and should know better. I hesitate getting emotionally involved with someone who in my opinion has a better than 50/50 chance of ending up as a basket case. More than once I have had to help her pick up her bike after we stopped somewhere and she forgot to put down a kickstand before getting off. Any comments?

[Bob_Roller]

Sounds like you won't have much success in getting her to wear proper riding gear .

She's seen the results of not wearing proper gear and it doesn't bother her .

So, either accept it, or move on, a tough call on your part .

Personally, I won't ride with people that don't have AGATT .

[montmil]

The lady, as nice as she may be, is a future vegetable in the making. If you have any interest in being a full-time care giver for someone that already demonstrates bad decision making, continue your relationship; knowing it will likely change far sooner than later.

Just my opinion as a fellow traveler in the divorce wars.

[marcmax]

I think I have know all along what I need to do. I just have a real hard time understanding intelligent people making (in my opinion) stupid, life threatening decisions.

[Kookaburra]

"Personally, I won't ride with people that don't have AGATT ."

AGATT?  please unpack this acronym for me.

[Bob_Roller]

All the Gear All The Time .

As in protective clothing, helmet, etc .....

[MichaelSydney]

Tell her if it is not on it is not on!

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma though. Great to find a potential partner who is interested in riding but hard to commit if you are constantly fearful of losing her.  

[marcmax]

Thanks one and all for your comments. I knew the correct answer but it is nice to have it verified by ones peers.

[Barry]

While I wouldn't ride without protective gear I have some sympathy for the feelings for not doing so provided she rides very slowly although I suspect it would not be slow enough to justify a complete absence of protection.  But how fast can you ride with a helmet anyway ?  For myself I enjoy riding without an helmet when the opportunity arises for example at a classic bike rally on private land but we are talking 20 mph maximum. Often I overtake my wife walking home from work and the last few hundred yards being up a steep hill she hops on the back sans helmet and we proceed very slowly.  I'm thinking we are both old enough to balance the risk and make that decision.  

At the other extreme I am concerned about the dangers of riding fast. I've done 120 mph in my youth but not amount of protective gear would be enough for me to have an off at that speed so I have no interest in high speeds these days.

Life is full of risks and what ever the activity you have to balance the risk vs the convenience or enjoyment with and without gear. I mean you can trip while walking and bang your head on the kerb and be a goner but we don't wear helmets when out for a walk.

[marcmax]

I agree with you Barry, there are times (very few) that I will take a short ride without a helmet but only in a controlled, non traffic situation. But in this case I am talking highway speeds (70-80 mph) in traffic.

Something that has stuck with me my entire adult life happened when I was 18 and had my first serious rode bike. I was coming to an intersection and made eye contact (I thought I did) with the driver of a car waiting at the stop sign. She looked right through me and pulled out. I had to lay the bike down to avoid getting hit. My hip and side were bruised and raw but what got me was my helmet. It ground the shell down to the inner foam in a matter of seconds. Without the helmet it would have been my head.

[montmil]

As solid evidence of what can happen in a slow speed fall, I'll offer up actor and Dancing With the Scars oddball Gary Busey. Riding without a helmet, he fell over and cracked his skull on a Follywood curb. The boy, although still above the grass, is no longer right in the head. He has now been known to occasionally "go off his nut".

[Ed Miller]

Falling off a bike at low speeds or stopped isn't any different than falling down while walking or running.  

On my motorcycle I need my gear because rain and bugs hurt at high speed.  

[Luca]

So have you brought it up with her?  It would be one thing if she was riding pillion and you could say "no gear, no go" ...but she's an adult with her own motorcycle.  I'd tell it like it is, but realize that you've got to take people as they are and there's a good chance she won't change her ways.  You might liken it to dating a smoker, and then trying to get them to stop smoking.


FWIW, Your head falls from the same height no matter how fast you are going.  Speed scrapes off skin or adds impact if you hit roadside "scenery."

I'll admit I've hopped on a bike and run it up and down the block as a test run without a helmet, but I really try to discipline myself.  At least a full face helmet all the time, anything past the end of the street and I've got full gear on.

I also tend to disregard experience when talking safety gear.  Seems to me it's professional carpenters who cut their fingers off with table saws.

[nhmaf]

Personally, if you REALLY REALLY like her and WANT to try to make it work, I would try approaching it along the lines of " I would like a new riding jacket (or helmet, or gloves, whatever) and am going to go shopping - would you like to go with me?"   And, if she goes w/ you, while at the store, say "I really like you and I'd feel alot more at ease if you'd try on this jacket".      If that goes well and you can coerce her into buying it - or letting you buy it for her, maybe you can incrementally get her to see the light.  

On the other hand, if she refuses to go along with it, have the talk with her and tell her that you don't want to be hitching your life to someone who doesn't value their own as highly as you do, and break it off right there.  She *may* have a conversion after a week or two and meet you in all the gear in your driveway asking to get together again, but she may well not.   If not, consider that you've dodged a potential huge liability and go looking for another one - there are plenty out there...

[marcmax]

Just want to bring this thread to a close. We had a long talk about life, expectations, and all the variables involved. She was set on her ways and so was I. It was friendly, it was amicable but it was like the Robert Frost poem about two paths. She chose one and i chose the other. Neither is perfect. It is a personal choice. I made mine.