The ten things I want for Christmas
An electronic jerk alarm that attaches to my handlebar next to the GPS to warn me when I’m about to do something really dumb (like trying to program my GPS while riding).
A knucklehead alert that scans oncoming two-wheeled traffic and senses high-decibel exhaust, foot-pegs forward of the engine, or handlebars above the shoulders, saving me the effort of waving.
A cell-phone hacking device that broadcasts the message, “Hang up and drive,” to any phone in use in a car within 400 yards.
Jail time for litterers.
A collapsible, self-storing, solar heated garage for two bikes.
One day a week when only vehicles with less than four wheels are allowed on the roads. It wouldn’t have to be on a weekend.
A Segway gyro for my ass.
The A book that will teach me how to win an argument with my wife.
The courage of my wife.
A quick and timely death, redeemable at some later date.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
