The New And Improved Unofficial R65 Forum V2
General Category => Totally Off-Topic Discussions, Rants, Tire & Oil Threads, Etc. => Topic started by: marcmax on February 08, 2013, 07:04:47 AM
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If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.
He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility...
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
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I do so love lawyer jokes! [smiley=thumbsup.gif]
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I Love that one, thanks for the laughs ;D D2
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Somebody said it, I don't know who: "There must be happiness somewhere, when a lawyer dies".
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Hmmm...
Feeling a disturbance in the Force. I'm sensing a Lawyer Joke thread forming.
[smiley=thumbsup.gif]
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Hmmm...
Feeling a disturbance in the Force. I'm sensing a Lawyer Joke thread forming.
[smiley=thumbsup.gif]
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance and . . .
A lawyer f*cks da clients.
k_enn, Esq.
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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months.
The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food.
Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming...
One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind."
But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've beenon this God forsaken island for months now without a woman.
It's been such a long, long time... So... Do you think we should... well... you know... screw her?"
"Out of WHAT?" asked the other lawyer.
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In an age not so long ago, a ship sails through troubled waters whereupon a pirate ship is spotted heading towards them. Unable to outmanoeuvre the vessel our friends find themselves subdued after short sharp fight in which only three are left alive. The Cap’n, a lowly seaman and a lawyer. (No idea how he came to be onboard)
After looting the ship of all things valuable, the pirates decide to put the three overboard by walking the plank. First to go is the Cap’n and below he falls into the swarm of circling sharks. As they all watch, it comes time for the seaman to go and not long after the circling sharks devour their next meal.
Next is the lawyer, who walks to the end of the plank and clears his throat, “Ahem”. Suddenly, and without warning all the sharks disappear into the distance and the lawyer stands at the end of plank. He turns to the pirates and they all stare at him in disbelief.
The lawyer then says, “Professional etiquette”.