The New And Improved Unofficial R65 Forum V2
General Category => Totally Off-Topic Discussions, Rants, Tire & Oil Threads, Etc. => Topic started by: mikeyd3 on January 04, 2008, 06:50:02 PM
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Re: Joke Of The Day!
I don't know if they are true or not...but I found them funny!
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
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P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
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P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
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P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
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P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
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P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
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P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
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P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
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And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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This one always makes me chuckle and I never get tired of receiving a copy. I think I have also seen it attributed to Quanta (sp?)...
This one is probably sooo true:
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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Qantas
Queensland
And
Northern
Territory
Aerial
Services
I too heard it attributed to an Oz origin, it has that certain Australian laconic humour aspect.
BTW, a major airline, it has never had a major accident or lost a life, not bad for the worlds second oldest still operating airline
Bill..................;-)
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Thanks, Bill, I had no idea that Qantas was an acronym! I read these and reflect on my military days, remember some of the smart-ass crew chiefs I knew, and think, "Yeah, ol' whozits would have came up with an answer like that..."
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Another airline acronym - GARUDA (Indonesian National Airline) stands for Go And Rest Until Delay Announced !
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Having a retired aircraft mechanic in the family I'm aware of the sometimes antagonistic relationship between pilots and ground crew. This post always makes me laugh as I was a pilot for a time, sounds like a family dinner conversation.
rich
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A retired Pan-Am/Lufthansa pilot pal of mine showed me this years ago and it still puts a grin on my face when I read it.