The New And Improved Unofficial R65 Forum V2
General Category => Chit-Chat => Topic started by: Semper Gumby on December 06, 2006, 09:49:58 PM
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I stole this off a motorcycle web site:
A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes.
(courtesy of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club, February Motorcycles.htm)
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
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That's great, I had only heard a few of them before... [smiley=2vrolijk_08.gif]
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I'm surprised; I thought I had read them all before but several of those were new.
8-)
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I went to the Lucas plant once for a tour. It was hard to find at first, but once there the sign that read
L' CAS made it obvious.
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You just need the right tools to work on Lucas Electrics. Been working on the Britt stuff for years. you may find some of this as NOS. Essential for repairs
(https://bmwr65.org/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mez.co.uk%2Fsmoke2.jpg&hash=77913188dfa35f28da03276646b2597fe64ce304)
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Tee Hee!! That's a great one! [smiley=Oscar.gif]
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I love it! I have restored two MGB-GTs and have had Lucas give me nightmares more than once...
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And the prices!!
Justin, I've had 2 MGBs myself, a '66 and a '68, and will never forget the shock of walking into the parts house for the 1st time and buying a "chrome" (plastic) headlight trim ring.
My jaw dropped at the price! I told the sales guy I didn't need the whole headlight assembly, just the plastic ring!
He only pointed to the L-U-C-A-S printed on the box and smiled..... ;D
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Hmmm, mine had metal rings, I think... I had a '69 and a '71. I wish I'd kept the '71, I had a Weber setup on it, got over 20 mpg, and was a blast to drive. ;D I remember shipping a lot of my money to Victoria British for parts. :P
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Weird. I definitely find BMW parts to be more expensive.